An EMC Story Idea Just too Goofy to Pass Up

heh, if someone can write a story about a woman being mind-trained to think of giving a blow job as "cock cleaning," surely someone can use this one:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/03/fashion/03SkinOne.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

The spa is essentially a gussied-up examination room down the hall from Dr. Romanzi’s medical practice. At the spa, the signature treatment will be a $150 gynecological exam — in which a client contracts her pelvic muscles around Dr. Romanzi’s fingers — to determine by feel whether muscle tone is weak, moderate or strong.Dr. Romanzi likes to call the vaginal workouts she prescribes “personal training.” Clients could also use an in-office electrostimulation machine to improve pelvic muscle tone or buy a device for home use. Dr. Romanzi said that such treatments are intended to improve bladder control; she said pelvic training may also lead to more intense orgasms.

"No, my dick isn't fucking you silly, my fingers aren't giving me a thrill, they're testing your 'pelvic muscle tone.'"

Seriously, you can't make this shit up.

Dr. Romanzi said her goal was to teach women how to properly perform Kegel exercises, intended to strengthen the sling-shaped muscle that supports the bladder, vagina and rectum. Gynecologists sometimes suggest such pelvic physiotherapy for minor vaginal laxity after childbirth or for mild urinary incontinence.

Hey, Dr. Romanzi, I got your "Kegal exercises" right here. But you gotta follow the swinging watch and unzip me first.

“If you can vote and you have a vagina, you should do these,” she said. “It’s the dental floss of feminine fitness.”

So's my cock, darlin'. It can work just like dental floss. Even cleans your teeth and gums.

There is good data to suggest if you floss regularly, it reduces gingivitis down the road,” said Dr. Erin E. Tracy, a gynecologist who is an assistant professor in obstetrics, gynecology and reproductive biology at the Harvard Medical School. But there is no evidence to suggest that a young woman who starts doing Kegel exercises will decrease her chances of pelvic problems later in life, she said.

Shhhh, damn you! Be quiet. OTOH, I guess every good EMC fuckfest needs an antagonist.

Dr. Romanzi said the pelvic fitness concept is based more on her clinical experience than on rigorous medical evidence. The spa will also offer cosmetic laser treatments intended to tighten the skin of the vulva in post-menopausal women.

Hey, my magic cum medication does the exact same thing! And it's cheaper! Free, even (well, okay, depending on how hot you happen to be).

“The common practice in gynecology is we treat where there is a problem,” Dr. Berenson said. “It’ll be interesting to see if there are people who actually request these services.”

Hell, give me a pocketwatch, swirling hypno-disc, subliminals in the waiting room or whatever and stand back!

---actually, I probably could write something, but I'd be laughing too hard to get through more than a couple pages ---

WZB